So, life has been interesting lately. My boyfriend and I broke up – long story short it was a rebound relationship for both of us – but we’re still friends and all that. We’re slowly but surely getting moved into the apartment more. I’m starting to exercise some and lose the weight that I gained from stressing about useless things and not eating right. I made a new friend. Stuff like that. This is just a random blurb.. I am still trying to get back into writing.. for some reason it still feels off when I try to. I’m working on it.

~Mari

I just posted this Gerber I Pledge widget for 500 credits. You can earn free credits too!

[caps] THERES A PARTY AT MY PLACE ON SATURDAY, FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS TO COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [/caps]

Okay, seriously. XD its hard to have a party with only like two people… So anyone who lives in or near indianapolis and wants to come to our party on saturday, message me and I’ll give you an address and stuff! ^_^ or you can message nephyo. He also has ten info. Sooo yeah. please come? XD

Okay so I wrote this about two years ago. It was originally in three parts, as a roleplay on a forum to help me become a better writer. Anyways, I modified it soon after, to become one crazy mass just as an example of one of my writing styles. I decided to see about some criticism – keep in mind that I know there are MANY flaws. With the exception of blending three posts into one thing it wasn’t edited at all, and the entire thing was written about two years ago.  So here we go.

——-
The sound of a motor blaring in her ears, and a soft, firm voice asking her if she was okay, were the first memories she had. As of yet her mind was blank, black, the only thing she could see in the cavernous space was a flicker of violet flame, and those words drifting towards the ground. Pale eyelids fluttered, the soft red fringe that lined them moving as if it was another being entirely, then shot open when she smelled ash.

—
Okay so that’s all. It’s just a short clip, there was quite a bit more that went on afterwards but it is complicated and I had decided at the time just to keep this one part. (basically the rest relied heavily on my partner’s posts, and I refuse to claim them as my own – mixing them with mine would be confusing, anyways)

So.. how do you like it? (or not?) I could definitely use some critique, even though it is old.

~Mari

.. hold a very special place in my heart. My grandparents live at the very top of one such mountain (albeit a fairly small one) and I have so many fond memories of my visits there.

First off, let me tell you one of the best things about them. The weather is almost always cool. Even when its ninety degrees down in the town, up on the mountain it is between 5-15 degrees cooler. So refreshing.

Waking up in the morning was always so easy for me. I always woke up well before dawn – as early as 4 in the morning sometimes – to help my grandpa with his garden. It was a large garden, with a multitude of vegetables. My grandparents kept the grass from mowing their lawn and let it compost as they kept piling it up – along with them composting all the leftover food and such in their bin. Each day we’d break into the grass pile, which was always steaming in the cool morning air, and dig it out into the wheelbarrow – I liked helping out with this especially, because my grandpa has back problems.  Certain things had to be treated certain ways – for instance the peas couldn’t be fertilized with the grass-compost until their leaves were already dried of the dew, usually about midmorning, or else they could get sick from the bacteria in the compost if it got on their leaves, and die.

One of my favorite things about gardening wasn’t just the hard work, or pleasant camaraderie between my grandpa and I, it was also knowing that the veggies I was helping grow is what we ate. Each day we’d pick ripe veggies to use in our meals. It was really nice. However, another favorite thing was the conversations that went on. My grandpa is one of my favorite people in the world.. he’s got a great sense of humor, and he’s one of the few family members who understands me. We always had pleasant, jovial conversations in the morning, talking about so many different things – funny things, serious things, silly or mundane subjects – it didn’t matter.

So that was how I started each day, learning more and caring for the plants each day, working hard and getting up an appetite for breakfast.  They days passed in many different ways, sometimes just being lazy, sometimes working around the house or yards – occasionally I would help my uncle do tree work which was fun sometimes, and painfully tiring others. Well no, it was always fun even when I was too tired from the work. 

Nighttimes were just as fun as the mornings. We would stay up pretty late, long after the sun set, around a huge campfire that got built. Just talking, and telling jokes – often with other friends or family members there. The fire was nice because it gets really cold at night on the mountains. I love campfires, I really do. I have so many fond memories of them. Anyways, it was always really fun out there because we never had mosquito or other bug problems then – there were a LOT of really awesome bats that would fly above us, because the fire attracted insects and these bats took advantage of that. Every once in a while one would swoop really low, and sometimes freak someone out. I really like bats, if you cant tell. Magnificent animals.

Anyways, I just remember swarms of them, hearing their sounds and things and seeing vague silouhettes against the sky from the firelight, the orange glow on everyone’s faces as we sat on logs around the fire, sometimes roasting marshmallows or hot dogs. Pleasant conversations, waiting to be one of the last to leave, knowing that even if I didn’t get much sleep, I would wake up well-rested in the morning.

The neighbors across the street had large berry bushes, and we could go pick them whenever we wanted, eating berries and bringing them home for cobbler.  Or rhubarb, since my grandparents had a HUGE rhubarb plant.

We’d take trips down to the town every once in a while too, sometimes it would be my uncle, my sister and I, late at night, going to walmart to grab a movie or some sodas or something, just getting out and enjoying the town. I love visiting them, those were probably some of my most fun times, ever. (I was also a LOT healthier then, hahaha.)

Yeah, happy memories.. Thank you so much Dovey for suggesting that I write this. It was nice to remember all this and so much more… Hehe.

~Mari

MOVING OUT IS DONE! Fucking finally. sheesh.

Okay so although we are not fully moved into the new apartment (as in unpacked.. there are boxes everywhere… xD) we have turned they keys into the complex and the only keys I have on my keychain are now the new apartment key and the electronic key to get into the laundromat. Wewt!  It’s refreshing to know that my nights do not have to be spent lugging our boxes and furniture from the old apartment to the new one ^^

Bad news first – I had an asthma attack last night. the first once since I was living in florida. Ugh. Yuck. I hate them and I am glad I don’t have them very often anymore. x_x

Good news is – on the weekend of the 28th (probably on the 28th, BUT! The date is not set in stone. It might change.)Kell/nephyo and I are holding an apartment-warming (lol funny phrase) party. ANY OF OUR XANGA FRIENDS THAT LIVE IN OR NEAR INDIANAPOLIS ARE INVITED!  Yes, that means you TheBigShow. You better be there, dammit.. Just in case you don’t read this I am about to attack you on IM and tell you, bwahahahaha. Be there or be square. Or circular. Or whatever. NOT COOL!

So yeah, I think it’ll be awesome and exciting, hehehehe.

Anyways, message me or nephyo For the address, and such. =D I will be reminding people of this, bwahahahaha. We dont have a specific time set but it will probably start around noon/early afternoon.

Bai!
(Oh btw. To Kell: Stuffed like a stuck pig. You know I’m right.)

~Mari

So.. a person I have come to consider a really good friend, in spit of the fact that we don’t talk that often.. is leaving (or has left) xanga. Hopefully not for good but still.. it’s sad. However.. I do understand, I did the exact same thing when I transferred to this site,  so all I can do is hope that CWB comes back. I’ll miss her a lot.

~Mari

CLEANING!!!!! x_x

So my life has been filled with cleaning and organizing and finding and losing and very much craziness.  I hate hate hate hate moving. 
If I wasn’t so boxed in where I am, I would say screw moving all together.

However I shan’t and instead shall trudge on. Yesterday I cleaned our disaster of a kitchen. Our stove is impossibly greasy, this stuff we have here just wont cut it. I make stir-fry too often, (actually I just need a better wok so the oil and stuff doesn’t spill everywhere) and its.. well it isn’t gross. but sticky. and hard to get off. so much buildup. I did most of the dishes, and I am so looking forward to a big kitchen instead of this little one we have now, and a dishwasher that actually works! (that’s the reason it got such a mess anyways. Dishwasher stopped working, I got sick, and things built up. We don’t even have that many dishes! -_-)

Also cleaned the living room up…  Tried to figure out how the hell we are gonna organize everything once we move.  Decided after a while that we just have to wait until after we move.  The living room and dining room aren’t much bigger than what we have now, but the design is more open so it LOOKS bigger.

Plus I will have my own bedroom which is the most important thing and the one thing I haven’t thought at all about. The only reason we moved at all was so I could have my own bedroom, sleepin on the couch doesn’t cut it anymore, lol.  I have no clue what I am gonna do. Unfortunately enough I am severely lacking when it comes to having a laptop.. Since I am hoping to make a little bit of money writing and stuff, that means I will still be spending most of my time in the living room. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Ah, oh well.  I’m jsut so glad to be moving. I also really hope this writing things kicks off somehow. I need to. I know I’m not a BAD writer.. not the best, but my poetry seems to be pretty decent. I was supposed to have some of it published back in high school, only my dad wouldn’t sign the permission slip since I was underage. I Was furious. Actually I Still am, I had a great opportunity and it got blown.

Anyways, yeah.. *sighs* BLAHHHH!!

I’m in an odd mood today, can you tell?

Lol ttygaiz later, much stuff to do today.

I just thought I would say that. Anyways, This entry is in the process of being written because of a conversation-turned-argument (mostly me getting defensive) over fashion. Of ALL things.

One of my friends was trying to tell me that my lack of fashion sense was appalling.

First off, it isn’t that I don’t have “good” taste; that I cant match styles and colors, or that I can’t dress up nicely. The real issue at hand was the fact that even though I supposedly have great taste, good sense with colors, and have a knack for fitting clothes together – especially when it comes to making my friends look good – that I don’t use any of it. Goodness, I’m just a mess right now. I need to retake my high school English classes. By the way, I’m not being vain here, I swear. This is just from what people tell me.

Anyways, this simple thing turned into a heated argument because she kept trying to convince me that I need to try to look good every day. To keep up appearances, or some crap like that. First off – I don’t look good anyways. Changing how I dress will not change that fact. Second off, one of the points she made was that “no matter what bs people say about not reading the book by its cover and beauty is only skin deep they are all hypocrites and everyone judges everyone by appearance”.

You know what I said to that? I DON’T CARE. She started arguing with me over that. Like, I should care or something.

Why should I care? Why is appearance such a huge fucking deal as long as you aren’t being indecent? Yeah, I can understand that it is good to look nice and professional in some situations. That it is good to make an effort to look nice sometimes. But why all the time? I’m not trying to say that it is a bad thing to do so, but why is it that so many people get on my case about it?

I don’t care about appearances. If someone decides not to be my friend because I am not dressed a certain way or because I am not pretty, then I really don’t need them for a friend anyways. If someone thinks I need to change who I am and spend an hour every day picking an outfit out, when I probably wont even be going anywhere, in order to be their friend or to be a better friend…. Then the same thing goes. If you think that how I dress or look defines me as a person, then I do not want you in my life, thank you very much.

This is gonna turn into something completely useless, I think. Maybe not.

The point is… Honestly, I don’t care, if I look better in a skirt than I do in my favorite pair of baggy jeans. I don’t care if it is a “fashion crisis” that I only have about twenty pieces of clothing. I don’t care if you think I look tacky because I don’t dress up, or if you think I look ugly because I don’t wear makeup. What is this big deal with appearance? So many people tear themselves up because they want to mold to society’s standards. So many people spend money they don’t have in order to make sure they are “in” with a certain crowd.

My favorite things to wear are a huge hoodie that is just so damn comfortable, and a pair of sweats that are probably too big for me but equally as comfortable. I will wear them just about anywhere, any time. Honestly, I practically live in them. Is there a problem with that?

As long as I have good hygiene and take care of myself, as long as my clothes are clean, what is wrong with it? Does it matter if I don’t put on makeup and don’t dress up to go out, even if its just to wal-mart?  I still don’t get it. I don’t get this obsession with appearance. The most beautiful person I know is not very good-looking by society’s standards, and the person that has the ugliest personality to me, has modeled in magazines before and is very physically attractive to most people.

I learned at a very young age that what someone looks like is not always consistent with their personality. And I’m not going to lie and say that I NEVER judge by appearance. Every one does at times, we’ve been conditioned to do so. But it isn’t something that happens on a regular basis. I broke a little bit of that conditioning when the illusion that I lived in a perfect world was forcibly torn from me. I guess you can say I have conditioned myself to do the opposite, although obviously not perfectly. No one is perfect.

I guess that’s the point of this whole, random, stupid entry. No one is perfect. Dressing better or taking more time on one’s appearance doesn’t make anyone a better person. Yet I have had this conversation with a significant majority of my female friends, and it always turns out the same. At the end of these arguments they all, without fail, say the same exact thing: “*sigh* I give up.”

Good, because I won’t change myself for anyone.

—-
Okay so now I have finished writing this thing. I don’t like it but what does that matter? Nada. I’m just ranting.

~Mari

hectic glory.

The past two weeks have been filled with stress for me. As some of you may know, I currently live with a friend in a one bedroom apartment. There really isn’t enough room, so we finally decided that I need my own room, ‘stead of sleepin on the couch every night. (He offered to let me have the bedroom and I refused – he’s paying the bills. -_-; ) xD So anyways, we started the rather annoying process of applying to get a bigger apartment. for a while I was really worried that we wouldn’t be able to move, but to my surprise, today’s letter from the complex had the words “Congratulations! Your move in date is March the 3rd” on it. hahaha. So, now we begin the process of packing and I begin the process of freaking out.

It isn’t that I don’t want to move – I do, very much so. I need more space, I need my own room, and most of all I need to be able to think better. It’s too crowded to think here. In the new place, we’ll have our own backyard and everything, its a townhome, so its two stories, two bedrooms, two bathrooms (one and a half actually) thank God, a much bigger kitchen and a ginormous living room.

But I hate moving. I always have hated moving, I severely dislike change, because change usually means bad things for me. I want to move, but it scares the shit outta me.  Just thinking about it is enough to send me into a blinding panic attack.

I guess the reason why it is so bad is that, when I was in Florida.. I almost never moved because I wanted to. Most of the time I moved because I had become homeless, or got fired, or kicked out, or something. It isn’t that I’m a bad roommate, (I don’t think anyways. o.o) its that I had bad taste in roommates when it came to long term arrangements, with very few exceptions. I moved around a LOT. I lived in over 12 places in the course of a year. Less than a year. And one of those places I stayed for 6 months so within less than six months I had lived in at least 11 different places. Not including the person I stayed with for only one day. Also not including the other half a year (or so) I was living there and bouncing around from place to place.

It was hectic, and I was scared outta my wits, and a bunch of other stuff going on. Needless to say that made me fear moving even more.

So yeah. bug, hectic, very much needed change, but scary nonetheless. Lets just hope I don’t have too many panic attacks, it isn’t that long until we move… >_< I’m doing a shitty job at keeping this updated – and I’m hoping to make money off this thing? Pft. not gonna happen if things keep going like this. I’ll try to do better, and not get caught up in life too much. As for the other post, it has to wait for now. Lol. Well other several posts. I know what to write about, however I am having a severe writers block.. -_- I even have all the research. so yeah that’ll wait until after I have moved ^_^

Talk to you guys later.
~Mari