January 17, 2010

• From Me in the past to Me in the future

  (I jsut got this email. I actually forgot about this, how strange, lol.)

  Dear Me,
  How are you doing, right now, I wonder? I wonder if you are still addicted to music, love, and life. I can tell you right now, this song on here is one of our favorites – I’ve been listening to it on repeat for half an hour now! I wonder if you still like it?

  I just thought I would check in on you, since we rarely ever think to make sure we are really doing okay. I know right now, here where I am, things are up in the air and feeling strange, and a bit scary. I’m madly in love – I hope you two are still together now, in the future. Shush is very wonderful. I’m also thinking about going to school, and definitely trying to get a job. Kell says once I have one we can get a kitten or two I hope we have two cute kitties by then. Or maybe cats, I’m not picky, as you well know.

  Riiight now! I am eating ice cream. Black raspberry, and dutch chocolate. Two of our faaavorite flavors. I think it gave me a bit of a sugar rush, otherwise why would I write this? I don’t like doing things liek this – it’s scary, because who wants to be reminded of the past if it all falls apart? Normally I would never do this – because I know all too well that things can fall apart at any moment, and nothing should be taken for granted. Because in the future, maybe I am homeless and heartbroken again, or maybe I am not even here. What then? How will this affect me and the people who read it?

  I’m not quite sure, but something compels me, something that I cannot put words to, or even really fathom. I have this deepest urge that this is the right thing to do. Of course, it isn’t really all that long that I am sending this – a mere half a year (plus a few extra hours) – but by then I think things should have changed enough to make a difference, no matter how small.

  I wonder what you are feeling, reading this right now. I know by then you will have forgotten that I wrote this – we have such a horrible memory.  Are you smiling and reminiscing good times? Are you remembering better times, and crying because you miss them? Are you laughing at what a silly bint I am? Well, I hope it isn’t the second one. I really do. Because that will mean our hopes and dreams have died again, and neither of us really wants that.

  There isn’t really much to say here, I think I’m jsut rambling on and on and on. This is also probably a lot different than what other people write when they do things. Maybe. Maybe not? I wouldn’t know. I’ve never done one of these until now! Does your dyslexia still kick in and cause you to mix up letters (especially in those dratted four letter words!)? Do you still always forget to read over things before you press that submit button, like me, and then read over the entry a half-dozen times and edit it until every last mistake that you can catch is gone (or until you finally give up)? I wonder if your grammar and punctuation are still as atrocious as mine is. We may be a whiz at spelling things, dyslexia aside, but I don’t think either of us payed enough attention in English class. Too busy reading books, probably.

  I wonder if you still have that black and purple layout. I hope the font isn’t white!!! Because then this will probably be pretty hard to read, what with the light background I usually put on my larger entries. Hehehe.

  Anyways, I jsut wanted to see how you are doing, make sure you are okay. I hope you’ve started taking better care of yourself, and kept at it – I know damn well that I plan to!

  ~Marina

  • 10:11 am
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