January 13, 2009

• Stupid sickness….

  I am sick. It sucks. No this is NOT the end of my entry.

  I am not used to this, because this isnt normally how I get sick. Growing up, when I got sick, I got SICK. Tonsillitis (so bad I almost could not breathe), strep throat, and the flu all within weeks of each other. Stomach flu lasting two weeks, a couple times. Really bad ear infections, bronchitis. Influenza with a temperature of 104.5. All this before I was fifteen. Walking pneumonia twice, and almost a third time, when I was sixteen. Chronic bronchitis, sinusitis, asthma, many other things.

  But I wasn’t a sickly child. Quite the opposite actually. I had a year of being pretty sick, constant sinus infections mostly, with a few very serious things. But for one to three years after – nothing. perfectly healthy. Even when I was sick I would be fairly active and upbeat (ADHD, need I say more?) – even when I had pneumonia, that was what kept me out of the hospital.

  During my entire time growing up, not once did I ever get a cold.

  When I was 19 and in Job Corps I got sick. Horribly sick. I was miserable, I was lethargic – which is rare for me, I was in pain and I had never, ever been sick like this before. It felt worse than the damned walking pneumonia. I was pretty scared. Imagine my surprise when I went to the medical building, was seen by a doctor, and told that I had a COLD. The look of shock on my face prompted a question from him. “You’ve never had a cold before…?” I said no. He blinked, and laughed.  Honestly I did too – well, I did until it sent me into a coughing fit.

  I have had infections that could kill someone, and should have put me in the hospital, and didn’t even blink. Yet there I was, literally crying, from a measly cold. Hilarious. Annoying. Painful. Aggravating. My body didn’t know how to react, I was told. I grew up in fairly small towns, not around a lot of people, since I tend to be a loner. I had my own bedroom once I turned 15, and stayed in it most of the time. Now I was living in a facility with over 650 students, I shared a fairly small room with three other girls, and a dorm with about 80 other girls. Yeah, it was bound to happen.

  The doctor told me my body wasnt used to it. It might sound weird but it makes sense to me. My body has been used to dealing with severe things, and when something so simple as a cold finally wormed its way into my immune system it didn’t do shit. I can jsut imagine my white-blood cells talking to each other, “What’s this?” “Oh some little piece of virus or something, it’ll go away on its own. If it doesnt we’ll jsut deal with this later.”

  Then BAM it hits. Literally. I went from sniffling and a slight headache to a full-blown, in your face cold in less than one day. Overnight.

  It lasted two weeks. I was miserable. Especially because it happened to hit on those two weeks of my BREAK. Why couldn’t it have gotten me while classes were still in session?

  Anyways, I digress. I had sincerely hoped to never experience it again. not only because its miserable being this sick, but its embarrasing. I have survived walking pneumonia TWICE. I survived a horribly dangerous case of Influenza when I was 13 – I didnt even go to the hospital like I should have, I mean come on, 104.5 is fucking dangerous as hell. Just like I didnt with the pneumonia although the doctor told me I should. We couldn’t afford to, we could barely afford the doctor visits, and I didn’t want to. I lived.  Yet when I had that cold I wanted to bawl my eyes out and sleep forever. Sheesh. Pathetic. I remember thinking I’d rather die than ever have a cold again. I was serious.

  I bet you’ve all guessed why, exactly, I am writing this entry. Yep, that’s right. I have a cold. Again. It’s kicking my ass. This one’s actually worse than the last one, especially because I cant sleep well. Guh. I hate being sick. I hate knowing that a stupid little cold is kicking my ass right now. I feel like crying, I have ever since I woke up the day before yesterday, realizing I was suddenly a LOT sicker than I had been the day before. I haven’t been well for a while though. This is one of those sick years. It sucks. Grrrrr…..

  Stupid colds.

  I may love the cold, but I hate colds. Colds really suck.

  Yeah. I’m on medicine right now. About to make some more theraflu. Maybe take some nyquil because I’m tired and I wanna sleep and I can’t sleep. My throat is dry and sore, and breathing hurts, not my lungs but my nose and my throat. Guh. Sickness sucks. I hope I get over it soon. Really soon. I can’t afford to go to the doctor for a stupid cold.

  Stupid colds.

  ~Mari

  my roommate made me do it. blame him.

  • 10:03 pm
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